I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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