either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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