I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
