How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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