i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
