New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
