lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
