Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
