I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
there is puke in my bra ... again
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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