I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
