We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
