curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
