they need to just BURY HIM!
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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