If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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