If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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