i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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