Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
