my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
