I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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