I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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