Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I think I died a long time ago.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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