this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
