even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My penis needs a shock collar
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
