we have pet lesbian snakes
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
