it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
