I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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