my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
