I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
