his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
only you would photoshop your dick
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
