Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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