i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
