Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
