i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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