WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Dignity is for republicans.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
