she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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