Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
