Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
did i just pee glitter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
