i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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