She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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