Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
