so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
