you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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