He disabled his match.com account in front of me
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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