one two three fourrrrnication!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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