got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
