bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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