Kiss
Puke
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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