yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
