I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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