You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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