I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
