I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
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I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
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this hospital has no fireball
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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