oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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