First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I supernannyed him into submission
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
