i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
