You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
