i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
