I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
