Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
