Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
