Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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