I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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